We Can Transport w/ Elephantoms and Trigger Effect July 10

(editor's note: in the spirit of freedom of speech I am posting this article by BJ. It can't all be nice reviews, after all. And since I asked a friend to review a band with an open mind, I'm not going to censor him for what he thinks, just because it is likely to offend at least a few people. On that note, your comments are welcome anytime, and if you would like to post your own review, just e-mail it to me-- you should make up your own mind and decide whether you agree with the writer or not, obvs.)


BY BEN JENSEN

This morning, I got an e-mail from Toby pointing me in the direction of We Can Transport’s MySpace page. They’re playing a show at 59 Argyle on July 10th, and he wanted to know if I’d write a review of what I heard on their MySpace page (MySpace is the new demo tape, press release, and world tour all rolled into one in case you’re still living in 2005 or whenever the hell it was MySpace wasn’t around yet).

We Can Transport is a local “indie” rock act. I don’t generally like “indie” rock (too pretentious, nerdy, and stewing in its own bullshit), but I went into this with an open mind, after my none-too-unpleasant experience reviewing Relief Maps for Toby (see June 6th’s entry).

My mind got even opener when I went to their MySpace page and saw some of the names they had in their ‘influences’ box: The Jesus Lizard? Wu-Tang? The Beatles? Alright, We Can Transport! Bring it on! This is gonna be amazing! I braced myself for a mixture of the best elements of some of the best artists of the 20th century.

And then I streamed the two tracks on their MySpace.

Now, here’s a little tip to any of you kids out there in bands: unless your band sounds like Duane Denison and David Sims laying down some punishing grooves with Ol’ Dirty Bastard rapping about blowjobs and the biggest band
in pop music laying their acid trips out to music for the whole world to be blown away by for decades, DON’T say your influences include The Jesus Lizard, Wu-Tang and the Beatles (the fucking BEATLES!).

After hearing We Can Transport’s tracks, I’d say instead of listing the aforementioned bands along with everything from Miles Davis to KRS-One as influences, they should have been honest with us and ONLY listed bands and artists that directly influenced their sound.

But then I guess it wouldn’t be nearly as impressive if their influences list read: “godspeed you! black emperor, Mogwai, and a dozen or so of the bands who heard godspeed you! black emperor and Mogwai and then thought THEY could do that too, and released so much boring, shitty music that no one can even stand to listen to godspeed you! black emperor and Mogwai anymore”.

In case you still don’t get it, here’s what these guys sound like: the tracks start off with some quiet guitar noodling. Then some MORE quiet guitar noodling on top of that. Then some drums. Oh, and don’t forget to play this with reverb; make it sound like we’re all floating in space or some shit. Keep doing the same thing with minor little accents for a couple minutes and then WOW us all by bringing some unexpected LOUD guitar work in there, ie: the big payoff.

Only it’s not unexpected. Unless this is your first rodeo, you know EXACTLY where each of these two tracks are going as soon as they start. We’ve heard it all before. I swear, if you played this for me 15 minutes from now, I would have no idea who it was. And I’m listening to it for the fourth time in a row right now.

Check these guys out if you like pretending to enjoy music on a level the average listener can’t possibly pick up on. This shit’s for 20 year olds who know everything about music cuz they downloaded Tom Waits’ entire back catalogue and skimmed through most of it. Read more!